Being in a military, collegiate, and medical community, we experience a fair amount of "move-ins" to the area. Whether it is a guest at our church or someone I meet throughout the course of my week, I regularly talk with people who have moved here and are looking for a church.
Often, the answer to my question, "How is it going?" surprises me.
"It is so tough."
"It is discouraging."
"It is not as easy as I thought it would be."
"it makes me want to never do it again."
These are a few of the responses I regularly have heard over the past six years.
Why?
It isn't due to a lack of churches in our area...that's for sure!
It isn't due to a lack of churches that are orthodox in their belief and somewhat varied in practice.
It isn't due to churches that have very particular preferences and practices in their congregational autonomy.
It isn't due to a lack of preaching or pastoral ability.
It often comes down to...the members.
The tone they set in being proactively hospitable to guests. The vibrancy they demonstrate during praise. The engagement they have in the sermon. The Christian love and concern expressed in the hallways. The invitations extended to guests after the church services ended.
With that in mind, I want to give us a few common issues that arise for people who are guests at churches and how we can create the type of church that a guest would like to attend.
1. "I must have been a ghost because no one talked to me." I hear this commonly (at the risk of sounding patronizing or egotistical, I do not hear this about FBC). At FBC, we have tried (as most churches do) to alleviate this issue initially by having those who serve in the hospitality ministry. They greet and direct people as they arrive at FBC. But what about beyond the doors? That is where each of us should take 30 seconds to scan the foyer and sanctuary area to identify anyone we do not recognize, then seek to introduce ourselves to them. Further, ask if they have any questions or if we can help them with anything.
2. "It was awkward being all alone." While being invisible is preferable for some people's personality type, it is worth risking the awkwardness of overbearance by offering to sit with someone and engage them in conversation. It doesn't mean you will be BFF's but it sure can make going somewhere new better.
3. "It just seemed dead." While each of these is so subjective, we again come across a matter we can directly change. Did you know where you sit generally says a lot about your disposition towards what you are attending? It is most commonly a reflection of our own comfort before considering the needs of others or our contribution to the overall environment. Do you want to change anything (particularly a church service) quickly? Sit with others, up closer to the front (if medically able), and fully engage. The "vibe" created is contagious and unavoidable. Where will you sit tomorrow? Who will you sit with? How will you praise?
4. "I just didn't connect well." We are all creatures of habit and lovers of "our tribe". Guests, without saying it, are often looking for someone that is like them in some capacity; it is sometimes ethnically, socio-economically, gender, or life-stage driven. This is, again, where it is worth being awkward and making people uncomfortable by being the proactively hospitable part of the equation. Why not ask if they mind you sitting with them rather than asking them to sit with you? Did you introduce them to one of the pastors? Did you introduce them to another person of a similar age/stage? Did you invite them to lunch after church (yes...scrap your casserole plans with your family member or friend)? While not everyone may relish this level of "intrusion" into their visit, it is worth the risk.
These are a few of the most common issues I hear about and easy solutions to create a climate that is both welcoming and engaging. Each of us can help create the type of church we would want to be a guest at, but it requires us to come to church with intentionality.
My encouragement for tomorrow is this: say "NO" to viewing church as a comfortable place that requires nothing from me, avoid familiarity blinding me from helping those around me, generate change by being intentional on where I sit and who I sit with, and connect (even if it is awkward) to those who are at church in the effort to steward their spiritual needs better.
Your Friend,
Pastor Paul Norton